CASE FILE: Dating

Subject: Aileen Wuornos Known for: Highway sex worker turned vigilante Estimated victims: 7 Operational period: 1989–1990

Dating in the modern world is a lot like hitchhiking. You stand on the shoulder of life, hoping someone with a decent vehicle and half-decent manners pulls over. But let’s be honest: the road is full of predators, cheapskates, and men who think buying you a tank of gas entitles them to your entire journey. If you want to survive the dating scene, you have to establish who is driving before you ever close the passenger door.

First, never agree to a destination you didn’t choose. If a partner suggests a detour into the woods or a secluded spot “just to talk,” that is your cue to reach for your glove compartment. Safety isn’t about politeness; it’s about preparation. Always carry something heavy enough to settle an argument. A firm, decisive boundary—delivered with absolute certainty—can stop any unwanted advance dead in its tracks.

Second, watch how they treat the ride. A partner who doesn’t respect your personal space on the first meetup is highly likely to ignore your red lights later on. If they start pressing your buttons or trying to take control of the gear shift, do not hesitate to terminate the engagement immediately. You do not owe anyone a second chance just because they offered you a lift.

Finally, learn the art of the clean break. When a relationship has run its course, do not drag it out. Pull over at the nearest exit, let them out of your life, and drive away without looking in the rearview mirror. Some people are only meant to be temporary passengers. If you leave them behind in the dust, make sure they don’t have the means to follow you. Your peace of mind is worth every mile you put between yourself and a bad investment.

Keep your eyes on the road, your hands on the wheel, and never let anyone take you for a ride you didn’t sign up for.

File closed. Results pending.