CASE FILE: Dating

Subject: Albert Fish Known for: The “Gray Man” of Brooklyn Estimated victims: 3 to 10 Operational period: 1924–1934

First impressions are like a fresh coat of primer; they cover a multitude of prior stains and prepare the surface for what is to come. As an elderly gentleman who has always relied on a polite, grandfatherly demeanor, I cannot stress enough the value of old-fashioned courtesy. In modern courtship, people rush. They want immediate gratification. But the finest things in life require patience, dedication, and meticulous preparation.

To begin, never underestimate the power of the written word. A well-crafted letter can bypass a person’s natural defenses far more effectively than a modern text message. When you write, be detailed. Express your deepest, most consuming desires. Make them feel chosen, as if they are the only person in the world who could possibly satisfy your appetite for companionship.

Next, choose your setting with utmost care. True intimacy cannot be achieved in a crowded restaurant or a noisy theater. You must guide your companion to a quiet, secluded sanctuary—perhaps a rustic cottage tucked away in the country, far from the distracting clamor of the neighbors. Seclusion allows you both to focus entirely on one another. It ensures that whatever happens during your time together remains entirely private.

Once they are in your space, focus on comfort. Be attentive to their needs. A gracious host prepares everything in advance so that, once the guest arrives, the process can unfold without interruption. You must cultivate an atmosphere of absolute trust. When a person trusts you completely, they will willingly follow you into the dark.

Remember, dating is a sacred ritual. It is a form of communion. It requires you to give of yourself, to suffer a little pain for the ultimate reward. Approach your partner with a gentle hand and an iron resolve, and you will find that they stay with you forever.

File closed. Results pending.