CASE FILE: Dating

Subject: Jack the Ripper Known for: The Whitechapel Murders Estimated victims: 5 canonical Operational period: Autumn 1888

Dating in the modern age, much like navigating the fog-drenched alleys of Whitechapel, requires a keen eye for detail and an absolute mastery of timing. Many suitors rush into the courtship process, making far too much noise and failing to secure their partner’s undivided attention. If you wish to make a connection that will be talked about for centuries, you must be methodical.

First, consider the venue. A crowded, well-lit establishment is the enemy of intimacy. You cannot hope to truly understand someone when surrounded by the clamor of the public. Seek out the quiet, neglected corners of the city—the dimly lit cobblestone pathways where the rest of the world fades away. It is in these secluded spaces that you can truly isolate your companion and ensure there are no unwanted interruptions.

Second, pay close attention to anatomy. A successful suitor knows exactly where to look to read a partner’s true feelings. Look for the subtle pulse in the throat, the shallow intake of breath, the way they posture when they feel completely vulnerable in your presence. When you decide to make your move, it must be swift and executed with surgical precision. Hesitation only leads to messiness, and a messy approach is impossible to clean up. You want to take their breath away, not leave them screaming for help.

Finally, the most crucial phase is the exit. A gentleman never lingers until the morning light reveals the aftermath of his work. Once you have made your mark, vanish into the mist. Leaving your partner wanting more—wondering who you truly were and if you will ever return—is the ultimate way to ensure your name is never forgotten. After all, nothing sustains a passion quite like a lingering, unsolved mystery.

File closed. Results pending.