CASE FILE: Home Improvement

Subject: John Wayne Gacy Known for: PDM Contractors founder, precinct captain, and community entertainer Estimated victims: 33 Operational period: 1972–1978

As a contractor, I always tell my clients that a house is only as good as its crawl space. It’s the ultimate storage solution—out of sight, out of mind. But if you don’t manage your substructure correctly, what lies beneath can come back to haunt you.

First, let’s talk about space management. Homeowners often underestimate how much they can fit into a tight, unfinished area if they just pack things in efficiently. Laying your materials side-by-side in neat, parallel configurations maximizes every square inch. If you are digging trenches to lay plumbing, make sure you dig deep. A shallow excavation invites shifting soil, and eventually, whatever you’ve put down there will start to settle and make its presence known.

Moisture and odor control are your biggest hurdles. A damp crawl space creates a breeding ground for rot and an unmistakable, heavy smell that no amount of air freshener can mask. If neighbors or guests start questioning a peculiar, sweet odor wafting from your floorboards, you can temporarily blame it on a buildup of sewer gas or a broken drain pipe. But to permanently solve the problem, you must use a proper neutralizing agent.

I highly recommend a generous application of chlorinated lime directly onto the soil. It works wonders for neutralizing organic moisture. Follow this with a thick polyethylene vapor barrier, and seal the entire perimeter with a pour of quick-drying concrete. Concrete doesn’t just stabilize the earth; it seals in your work, ensuring that whatever is laid to rest down there stays put forever.

Lastly, remember that a professional job is one where nobody ever suspects the effort that went into it. Keep your workspace clean, your foundation sealed, and your public face smiling. After all, a good contractor always knows how to put on a show.

File closed. Results pending.