CASE FILE: Dating

Subject: John Wayne Gacy Known for: Contracting work, community outreach, and Pogo the Clown Estimated victims: 33 Operational period: 1972-1978

When you are looking to build something permanent, you cannot simply throw materials together and hope they hold. You have to prepare the ground. As a contractor, I always tell people: the real work happens beneath the surface. It is all about the framework.

First, you must master the art of presentation. In my years of community service and entertaining the public, I learned that a friendly facade—a painted, welcoming smile, if you will—can put absolutely anyone at ease. People want to feel safe. They want to believe that the man hosting them is a pillar of the community, a respectable captain of his precinct. Dress well, keep your lawn manicured, and ensure your home has a welcoming aroma. If there is a slight, persistent odor of dampness or lime in the air, simply explain it away as a minor, temporary plumbing issue. They will believe you. Trust is remarkably easy to build when you look the part.

Second, when you invite them into your home, the atmosphere must be intimate. You want them to feel like they never want to leave. I always found that a cozy, enclosed environment works best for one-on-one interactions. Tight spaces foster a unique, inescapable kind of closeness. If you are showing them around your property, perhaps highlight your DIY projects. A hand-built deck or a newly poured concrete floor in the basement can be a wonderful talking point. It shows you are a man who knows how to utilize every square inch of space efficiently.

Finally, be prepared to do the heavy lifting. Relationships require a deep, physical commitment. You must be willing to roll up your sleeves, get your hands dirty, and work late into the night. When you find the right partner, you will want to keep them close to you—under your wing, and under your roof—for a very long time. Just remember to pack the earth tightly around your joint investments. A sloppy job always comes back to light, but a well-laid foundation will keep your private business private for years to come.

File closed. Results pending.