CASE FILE: Dating

Subject: Vlad the Impaler Known for: Authoritative border control and architectural crowd management Estimated victims: 20,000 – 80,000 Operational period: 1448 – 1476

Dating in the modern era is much like defending a sovereign territory. Too often, we allow uninvited guests to breach our perimeter, hoping they will self-regulate. They will not. True courtship requires structure, visibility, and above all, a willingness to make your point unavoidable.

When welcoming a new suitor into your life, you must be transparent about what is expected. Do not compromise. If someone crosses a line, they should not merely receive a polite scolding; they must be positioned in a way that makes their failure obvious to anyone else approaching your gates. A single, highly visible example of a boundary violator left out in the cold does wonders for the behavior of future applicants. It is not cruelty; it is efficient crowd control.

Furthermore, a worthy partner is someone who can stand tall under pressure. If they collapse the moment things get difficult, they were never suited for your court. Look for those who can remain upright, even when the situation feels incredibly tense. It takes a certain rigidity to survive a long-term commitment.

Do not settle for the first person who wanders across your border, either. Line up your options. A vast, orderly display of potential suitors allows you to observe them at your leisure. Take your time. Let them hang around for a while. Sometimes, the best way to appreciate someone’s true character is to watch how they carry themselves over an extended, agonizingly quiet afternoon.

Remember, romance is not about surrender. It is about sovereignty. Treat your heart like a fortress. If you do not defend your borders with absolute, unwavering resolve, you will soon find your territory occupied by those who do not respect your rule. Raise your standards, sharpen your expectations, and let them know exactly where you stand.

File closed. Results pending.